Every marriage is a dynamic relationship that goes through a mixture of experiences. Some are sweet, ecstatic, and satisfying. When life throws a curveball, however, you may feel heartbreak, pain, frustration, anger, guilt, and other emotions that test the resilience of your relationship and the depth of your love for each other.

Staying happily married takes work. Apart from love, understanding, and fun, there is an extra ingredient that many enduring marriages get a good dose of—marriage counseling.

The Fundamental Ingredients

• Two hearts in love. Love is not everything in a successful, enduring marriage, but it is the most important element that binds two hearts together. Love may, however, weaken under a barrage of conflict, misunderstanding, and stress. How can you nurture your love so that both of you are willing to do what it takes to make the other one feel happy, secure, and fulfilled?
• A generous dose of understanding. Because people are different, conflicts are inevitable in a relationship, and they can breed issues in a marital union. Since marriage is not intended to change anyone, a harmonious relationship may only be fostered when both are willing to make sacrifices and understand one another. If communication is an issue, misunderstandings can arise. How do you keep communication between you clear and loving?
• Plenty of fun. While marriage is a serious matter, it needs lightness and fun too. Studies prove that the good and happy times in a relationship can mask the bad times, building and strengthening trust, commitment, satisfaction, and intimacy. According to the University of Denver’s Center for Marital and Family Studies co-director Howard Markman, “the amount of fun couples have and the strength of their friendships are a strong predictor of their future.” Fun can’t be trivialized, but it can be fleeting when your marriage is full of tension, conflict, frustration, anger, etc.

The Extra Ingredient

Most couples don’t realize that marriage is not something they can get into and forget afterwards. It takes work to sustain the love and more work to make it resilient. There is no single formula or recipe that can serve up an enduring marriage “on a silver platter.”

However, a skilled, impartial, and caring marriage counselor can be the secret ingredient that helps you keep your union strong, loving, and happy. If you have insurance, know that most insurance pays for counseling as a treatment to alleviate the symptoms of distress and other emotional/behavioral issues.

Even when you are very much in love, working on your marriage can be draining because it is a continuing process. With the assistance of a counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC, the process may get easier. Remember that “living happily ever after” is not automatic. If you stay realistic, the extra ingredient—a counselor—can make a difference to give you a lasting marriage.

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