In Search of True Healing for a Marriage That Hurts

Problems can seem inherent in a lot of marriages, whether you have been married one year or 50 years. Marital problems can cause extremely intense pain that may last a long time. Unlike other kinds of pain, nothing compares to the pain caused by someone you care about and someone you trust so deeply.

Wounding each other emotionally is perhaps one of the most common and most frustrating relationship dynamics there is within a couple. Despite the love and wanting to stay together, they hurt each other in ways that can be painful, deceitful, abusive, insulting, and more. It is how it goes in many marriages. Couples feel and behave in ways that can be hurtful no matter how much they appreciate each other.

No matter how much care there is, there may come a time when you hurt the one you love in either small or significant ways. It does not mean your marriage does not stand a chance because you hurt each other, often argue or disagree over some issues, or have difficulty communicating. These are common problems couples have been experiencing and solving since Adam and Eve.

Ways to Know if Your Marriage Is in Trouble

It takes maturity to resolve marital problems, but sometimes issues can spiral downward, leading to destructive behaviors that can trap your marriage in a cycle of frustration, sadness and pain. You and your spouse can be caught by surprise as resentment, blame, anger, suspicion, and other negative feelings start to come up. Before you know it, you may find that your marriage is already stuck in a rut.

What could have gone wrong? What did you miss? Even the smallest details can stockpile to water down the sparkle your marriage once had. Perhaps you ignored the indicators and allowed the negative emotions unchecked until they bubble up. If you will only look over your shoulder, you can find great resources and signs that will tell you your marriage is in trouble and may benefit from the guidance of a credible counselor:

  • Family and Friends: People close to you can easily recognize and spot a serious problem in your marriage before you can. The intuitive hunches of your family and friends are often based on your outward behavior, whether consciously or unconsciously, toward each other. If they express concerns about the health of your marriage, do not be offended. Instead, pay attention!
  • Children’s Behavior: The children are usually the first to sense that something is wrong between their parents. They may often act out their frustrations, fears, and other feelings at home or in school. Their out-of-character behavior serves as a barometer to show what an unhealthy marriage can do to children.
  • Physical Abuse: When physical abuse is present, it is always best to go to a safe place. Hurting a person you have vowed to love and protect is never a justified or acceptable thing that should take place in a marriage.
  • Addiction: All forms of addiction, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography, can quickly destroy a marriage. It is a major issue that requires a complex and long-term treatment.
  • Intimacy: This personal aspect is vital to good marital health. If not nurtured and protected, it can lead to more severe problems, such as infidelity and emotional health issues that can wreck your marriage.
  • Extramarital Affairs: One of the things that can be most painful in marriage is the discovery that the spouse had or is having an affair. The hurt or pain of a betrayed spouse combines all the emotional damages wrought by an extremely traumatic event caused by someone you put so much trust on. Healing your relationship after infidelity is possible with counseling.
  • Withdrawal: Whether one or both spouses withdraw physically or emotionally, it is a very dangerous sign that the intense pain felt disables functioning inside the relationship. The marriage consequently spirals downward into an apathetic state where you simply do not care anymore. It is a sign that one or both spouses have lost hope.
  • Emotional Health Issues: When something is out of balance in the relationship, couples usually react employing the emotions, such as anger, anxiety, depression, fear, or guilt. Until the underlying problems are properly addressed, one or both spouses will remain emotionally disturbed. When left untreated, these emotions can lead to more serious problems that can further pull your marriage down.
  • The Past versus the Present: Comparing how your marriage was in the beginning with the present can help you gauge if your marriage is likely struggling. If the usual practices of endearment are now extremely rare or no longer existing, it is time for professional help.

Unfortunately, many couples are caught up in the unproductive cycle of hurt because they nurture the pain instead of finding true healing; clam up about the issue instead of communicating; withdraw from one another instead of working through conflict; dwell too much on the hurt instead of moving on; hold onto a grudge instead of forgiving; and wallow in deep disillusionment instead of rebuilding closeness.

A more troubling reason why some marriages are not able to hold together is the refusal to seek help. If you find your marriage trapped in an extended or often repeated cycle of hurt, seeking the intervention of a credible marriage counselor to help you steer your marriage to good health may be beneficial.

Healing the Hurt

People see their primary health provider for an ache or a pain that does not go away. If your marriage is hurting and you know it needs a shot in the arm, who can you turn to for healing? The best answer is a professional marriage counselor.

Marriage relationships can experience hurts and conflicts on several levels. Sometimes, it can be difficult to forgive, or the level of resentment has reached a point when forgetting and moving on seem to be impossible already. Do not lose hope. Although healing a marriage that hurts takes time and true commitment, a seasoned marriage counselor can help you and your spouse make strides toward complete healing of your relationship. It may be quite painful all over again, but it is certainly an experience worth going through in order to be healed. It is in healing that you can truly become happier.

Like an illness, it is best to treat your pain sooner than later. Even if the hurt may be too deep to heal, it does not mean your life and marriage cannot be better and stronger. There is still hope for your marriage. Thousands of marriages in a similar painful situation as yours have been transformed with help from couples or marriage counseling services offered at Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina (N. Main St.), NC. An independently contracted right fit counselor will work with you to help your marriage start anew and function healthily.

If your marriage is struggling and your spouse is not willing to recognize the need for help, do not give up. You can go to therapy alone and share the benefits with your partner. By healing yourself first, you can also heal your partner’s wounds as well. Your marriage becomes safer and eventually experiences a deeper oneness and magic that only love in marriage can bring. Call now to schedule an appointment.

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