Understanding Guilt
– To Free your Child from It

Guilt can often be used by adults in an attempt to motivate children to behave properly. More and more studies are showing that reinforcing guilt in children can lead to a number of problems. Using guilt as a motivator can lead to anxiety, depression, insomnia, introversion, shame, poor self-esteem, indecisiveness, and lack of initiative.

The Science Behind Guilt and the Brain

According to Joan Luby, one of the researchers behind a 12-year study about guilt’s effect on the brain part called anterior insulas, children with high levels of guilt have smaller insulas. This part of the brain is known to function in the regulation of emotion, perception and self-awareness. Having small insulas can predispose children to depression later in life. This study points to the importance of how changes in the brain structure can be used as a sign of a latent emotional condition as early as age 4 to 12, which may appear later.

It can be important to recognize the early signs of excessive guilt and intervene early. Other studies have also shown how guilt can cause a child internalize their feelings/concerns leading to emotional distress, depression and anxiety.

Guilt and Anger

Though anger is a normal human emotion, it can become unhealthy or consuming. It can be complex; even adults may have difficulty understanding it. Adults who have difficulty resolving their anger may be more likely to have children who can’t understand or resolve their anger either. These adults may be more likely to use guilt as a tool to control their children’s behavior and anger.

In another study undertaken by Tolvanen et al. (2013), Journal of Family Psychology, it was shown that parenting based on creating guilt can increase distress and anger in children.

How can I help my child feel less guilty?

When you understand more about guilt you will likely strive not to use it (whether consciously or unconsciously). But if you have been using it, it’s likely you will be wondering what to do instead?

If your child is showing signs of excessive guilt, don’t ignore them. Early intervention can be key. With the help of a therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC, you can support your child’s emotional health this early on and help them to build a brighter, happier future. Make that call now to stop guilt in its tracks. We are here to help, call today!

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