Inspiring Your Teen
Through Counseling

Adolescence can be your child’s best and most memorable years, becoming the source of their inspiration through the ups and downs of life. This is the reason why you may often wish that you can shield your child from “growing pains,” or create a perfect environment for them. Unfortunately, this is not a likely scenario.

It is also during adolescence when they are experiencing momentous changes and challenges, leaving them vulnerable to emotional conditions and emotional issues. It is during this phase in life when they seem to be in a constant crisis. Because you love them dearly, you can be sucked inward, taking you on a rough roller coaster ride. The drama can be too much, draining you of energy and time, but giving up isn’t an option.

There is no doubt that raising adolescents can be among the most challenging and humbling experiences of your life. As a parent, you want to empower your child, so they can survive their challenges during adolescence and beyond. Understanding “adolescence” and guiding teens are important. Equally important is finding the right professional help to raise your teen, especially in nurturing their emotional health.

Understanding the “Teen Brain”

Except for the first two months after birth, there is no other time throughout life when the brain will undergo such unparalleled changes, particularly in the frontal lobe. This is the area of the brain that has cognitive functions – decision-making, reasoning, judgment, logic, learning, judgment, etc. It also regulates emotions, empathy, impulsivity, and attention. This is also the time when the neural connections between brain cells are being developed.

What is the implication of all of these?  Your teen child just looks like an adult in size. Inside their head, they have a brain that is still young and in the process of metamorphosing, trimming old and building new connections. Though the emotional center matures earlier, the counterpart of the area of the brain responsible for cognitive functions does not. Science News for Students says, “This leaves the emotion-processing centers on their own for a while.”

Having an immature brain means that their insights, understanding and decision-making skills are still poorly developed, and that they can be curious and hasty with their choices. Being curious and experimental can be productive. Unguided, however, these can put them at risk risks. Spontaneous decisions can be necessary at times, but not always. This can lead to error in their judgments. Motivated by their growing sense of independence and the ongoing quest for identity, they may likely believe otherwise.

The Raging Teen Hormones

Puberty happens because of a signal that comes from the brain. This is called “gonadotropin-releasing hormone” or GnRH. This hormone stimulates the pituitary gland, also located in the brain, to release two other hormones, namely follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH). These hormones, in return, stimulate the production and release of the reproductive hormones – estrogen and testosterone.

Though all the changes that happen during this phase are natural and healthy, risks abound around this time. Along with the physical changes and the development of secondary sexual characteristics, these hormones can also trigger certain side effects, such as acne and explosive mood swings. Coupled with their immature brain – hasty decisions, imperfect judgments, impulsiveness and recklessness, lack of power over their emotions, a strong desire to be independent, etc., teens have the perfect recipe for taking risks and misstepping.

According to the Centre for Adolescent Health, “some strong correlations between adolescence and the onset of drug and alcohol abuse. Of the 10- to 15-year-old adolescents studied, researchers found that the probability for lifetime substance abuse was two times higher in late puberty.” The changes in their behavior and responses can surprise you. You may lose your patience, thinking that they are just acting out or being melodramatic. If you notice certain red flags – significant disinterest in people and activities they used to like or love, not eating or sleeping well, avoiding people, refusing to go to school, or performing poorly in school and other activities – don’t delay in seeking help.

Discovering Teen Identity and Independence

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”  Aristotle had said so himself. With the ongoing maturation of the frontal lobe, specifically the cerebral cortex, a teenager’s cognitive function is bound to improve. Such can fuel their enthusiasm to discover their identity and to establish their independence. Both are crucial adolescent processes. In fact, having a consistent and committed self-identity is considered a fundamental defining aspect of adolescence. Independence, on the other hand, must go hand in hand with responsibility.

The search for one’s identity and the establishment of one’s independence are tough processes. A teen’s identity continues to evolve as they live with so many influences – you and their siblings, teachers, mentors, classmates, and peers – in their daily lives. The influences of the larger society, particularly the media, are so powerful, they can shape their personalities, self-image and self-esteem, perceptions, etc. They can become confused and lost along the way. Their recklessness can drive them to take risky chances.

Thinking that they are old enough to decide for themselves, most teenagers will similarly want a certain degree of independence. While not every teen will be reckless, having an immature brain causes them to be predisposed to making hasty decisions and poor judgment. Though one’s sense of independence starts to bloom during this phase, it is important that teens are guided, so they can act with confidence, responsibility and toward their goal of adult freedom. Without guidance and counseling, it is like sending them out on an exploration without a map.

Families as a Source of Inspiration and Pressure

Family is analogous to unconditional love. It is a source of inspiration for most people you know, and, most probably to your adolescent child as well. This is why you can wield a strong influence on them. If you will use that wisely, you can empower them. If you feel less confident, you can also be guided by a family therapist.

Know, however, that the flipside is the fact that families can be a great source of pressure for teens as well. Conflicts in the family, financial issues, keenness to please parents or make them proud, and boundaries perceived to be unduly harsh or unreasonable can distress them. No family is perfect. As you meet family challenges head on, you could have a disgruntled teen, not understanding the whys and wherefores of it all.

Then there is the “generation gap,” With the advent of 21st century technology, there are many things you cannot agree on.  For instance, you may not be able to understand why your teen isn’t as involved anymore in the family affairs, spending more time on their laptops or tablets. You can’t seem to place the emotions brought by their videos becoming viral or by the bullying over the internet that seem to have taken a quantum leap from the time it was being committed in school yards or neighborhood playgrounds.

Breaking the Barriers with Counseling

Adolescence is a great time for teens. Their potential happiness, however, can be marred by emotional issues. Do not be deceived by their size. They are still a child “by brain.” It is still undergoing maturation. Together with their raging hormones, they are naturally vulnerable to mood swings. Considering that this is also the time for a teen’s enormous physical changes and increasing academic pressures, depression, anxiety, overwhelm, poor self-esteem/self-image issues, self-harm, and other emotional issues can’t be too far.

These changes, along with the desire to discover their identity and independence, are inevitable. The price can be high, sometimes, but this can be avoided if you will be courageous enough to reach out for help. There is no shame in taking this step. The caring counselors independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC (N. Main St) are here to assist you and your teen child. If your teen has built an impenetrable wall around himself/herself, trust a counselor independently contracted with CCS – Fuquay-Varina (N. Main St.) to assist in sorting out the issues in a neutral venue.

The dream to provide a nurturing environment for your teen doesn’t end with adolescent challenges. This is one time when they need your help the most, even when they don’t openly acknowledge it. It could be stubbornness, wanting to prove their readiness to be independent. It could be depression, anxiety or some other emotional turmoil. There is no place for second-guessing. Call now.

Related Articles: