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Grief can tear away at a child leaving them hurt and confused or even angry. Think of the image of children, and happiness may come to mind, smiling, laughing, and maybe, ‘roughhousing’ and playing around. Although children are naturally happy and positive, they can also experience grief, just like everyone else. It can occur after losing something or someone of significant value. They may also feel grief when they experience a separation from their parents or after a sudden disruption in their regular activities.

Grief can be exhibited in different ways. The way they manifest grief, however, can be different from adults. When something heartbreaking happens, there is a chance that your child’s grief can go unnoticed if you are also engulfed in the ‘sea’ of your own emotions. It will matter greatly if you know exactly the signs and symptoms you must pay attention to in order to receive professional help. Online counseling is a helpful process for children to recover from grief and it can be done from a comfortable spot in your home with the device of your son or daughter’s choice.

How do You Recognize Grief in Children?

You must pay close attention to recognize grief in children. Grief can impact a child’s life in ways you cannot imagine. it can turn their lives upside down. It can deeply affect them and cause many different emotions. Depending on their age, these emotions can range from sadness to feelings of abandonment. Grief can be unpredictable in children because it does not always follow the typical stages of grief – “denial, sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and finally, relief or recovery.”

Often, a child’s reaction to loss is based on how they understand or perceive death. The intensity of the effect may differ, depending on their age and wisdom. For younger children, which includes toddlers to below five years of age, death can be thought of as a deep sleep. Their perception is that the one who passed away can magically wake up or be whole again like in the animated films they watch. Feeling the loss, their irritability and clinginess may become more intense because of anxiety.

Older children who have a deeper understanding about death as the end of life, may be more vulnerable to grief, especially when they lose someone they cherish. Apart from these, increased fear may be observed after experiencing death first-hand, realizing that mortality is real and that everyone will one day die. Signs of distress and depression are concerns that need to be watched out for.

Grief Manifestation at Different Ages

Children are different, so they tend to process loss and grief differently as well. Manifestations may range from emotional to cognitive and/or behavioral. Typical signs that a child may show grief emotionally include feelings of resentment, misery, confusion, desertion, and uncertainty. The feelings can worsen if they feel that they did not spend enough time and/or attention with the late beloved, or if they were to blame in the death of the loved one. Without proactive guidance, it is possible that a child may grow more confused, guilty and terrified.

In older children, grief can cause temporary regression. This means that they may behave or think like a young toddler again, when their knowledge and understanding of death was still not permanent in their mind. This way, they can still hope that the departed would wake up from their long slumber. This way, they will not feel as sad and devastated, or hopeless and helpless.

If grief goes on unprocessed, grief may cause different behavioral manifestations in children. Children who have a vague understanding of their loss can show emotions that may affect, not only them but those around them as well. These manifestations include a quick temper, violent outbursts, differences in patterns of daily living, and never-ending questions about their departed loved ones. They may also begin to be affected by their own shortcomings. like low grades, unsuccessful attempts in various settings, health, psychosomatic issues, nightmares, and helplessness.

What Signs Do I Watch Out for?

Apart from their age and maturity level, the strength of closeness and connectedness to the one they lost can also affect the intensity or complexity of their grief. Typical reactions after losing someone or something may include:

• Regressive behaviors like sucking on a thumb, wetting the bed, etc.
• Coldness/numbness or shock
• Irritability, clinginess and/or crying
• Loss of ability to focus
• Noticeable differences in patterns of daily living
• Noticeable changes in mood
• Aggressiveness, tantrums, hyperactivity and acting out

As stated by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), there are certain ways children manifest grief that parents and guardians must observe, and these are:

• an extended period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily activities and events
• inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone
• acting much younger for an extended period
• excessively imitating the dead person
• repeated statements of wanting to join the dead person
• withdrawal from friends, or
• sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school

In more serious situations, there are also red flags that parents and guardians must watch out for:

• Chronic medical issues developed after the loss or death of a loved one
• Behavioral concerns seen at home or reported by school officials
• Signs of self-harm, suicidal tendencies, or cause to harm others
• Social withdrawal
• Loss of interest in activities and people that they were once passionate about
• Bad dreams that affect activities of daily living

Grief in Children

Excessive grief can shake a child’s emotional stability. Since they cannot successfully express their grief verbally, they may feel confused and unsure of their emotions. They may not realize why they are in pain. They may feel helpless, not knowing how to feel better. They may release their emotions in different ways; some of these ways can be unusual and unacceptable in the eyes of adults. As they seek more parental attention, reassurance and care, they become more demanding. They may also manifest grief in spurts. This means that they may just suddenly cry and feel better in a few minutes.

Releasing grief is essential to overcome it – this is very challenging in children. This may overwhelm them, negatively affecting their functioning. As grief worsens, the disabling effect may become more complicated. The interruption in healthy development, everyday activities, and routines and tasks can occur. With that, happiness and positivity may deteriorate.

As a parent or guardian, how do you know when your child’s grief is seriously impacting their lives, health and future? The following are possible signs and symptoms of complicated grief in children that you must keep an eye out for:

• extended disinterest and/or trauma
• staying “in denial” many months after the painful loss
• continuing physical symptoms like headache and edginess
• persistent and excessive fear
• lingering guilt
• continuing indifference
• increasing resentment or irritability

Breathe in New Life to your Child

Although loss is an experience all people must face at one point or another in their lives, lingering grief has no place in a child’s life. Even though a painful event is not your fault, it is your responsibility as a parent or guardian to help your child recover and process the grief out of their systems.

Breathing in new life and positivity back to a grieving child must be a priority. If you need help in getting back that spark and happiness back into your child’s eyes, there are professionals and experts that can help. It is best to find someone who understands child grief, a licensed counselor/therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC will surely be a great choice.

With the assistance of a CCS-contracted therapist, your child will receive the appropriate guidance while their grief is being processed. Being with an experienced therapist who is applying age-suitable techniques, can help the child overcome their grief and other negative emotions they are going through. Call Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC today to schedule an online counseling appointment for your child!