How Do You Resolve Guilt
within a Family?

Communication and understanding are needed to tackle guilt within a family. Guilt is a natural human emotion. It is natural for families to feel it occasionally. Parents often experience guilt when they are busy and struggling to spend quality time with their children. Adults may also feel the familiar emotion when they can’t visit their aging parents as much as they would like. Guilt can also be present when we can’t see our extended families during holidays or attend special family celebrations.

Many adults work for long, extended hours, missing important family events. Parents who found a fulfilling career/business may also feel guilt-ridden for not being there for all the family’s needs. Children may also feel guilty when leaving their families behind to pursue their dreams. All these situations have a theme and a lesson. Guilt can be felt even when you aren’t doing anything “wrong”. 

There is nothing wrong with feeling guilt from time to time, it is a natural human emotion. Excessive guilt, however, is a different story. Adult children may put their dreams on hold to stay close to their aging parents. Mothers may bury their personal goals in order to provide care for the partners they love and to raise their children. Meanwhile, aging parents or grandparents can feel guilty when they sense how their children may put their dreams on hold because they need to care and/or provide for them.

The Anatomy of Guilt

Guilt gives you an uncomfortable sensation. It tells you that something is off, that something is not right. It is an emotion that you develop while growing up, prompting you to pay attention to what you say or do. It teaches you to pay attention to how your words or actions can affect others, particularly the ones you deeply care for. The good thing about guilt is that it can let you know you are doing something that isn’t right for you. You can take a look at your behaviors and make healthy changes. When we feel necessary guilt we can make amends and do better next time. 

Unfortunately, many of us experience unnecessary, or excessive guilt. When you feel guilty when in fact you have not done anything wrong there isn’t much that can be done. How can you make amends when there are no amends to be made? 

Bearing the Weight of Guilt

We make mistakes. It is part of being human and part of learning. As we learn and grow we tend to make less mistakes resulting in guilt. While guilt is a healthy, natural emotion it is important to keep it in check. 

Negative or unproductive guilt can lead to other concerns such as depression, anxiety, anger, overwhelm, and even self-harm. When guilt is left to fester it can even lead to panic attacks, chronic pains that have no medical explanations, and stomach problems. 

Guilt can also lead to strained family dynamics, divorce, social isolation, and self-destructive activities, like substance abuse. Other manifestations of guilt in a family can be:

  • Having poor boundaries with each other
  • Excessive people pleasing behaviors
  • Resentment
  • Difficulty communicating
  • Avoidance
  • Unresolved conflict

Coming to Terms with Unresolved Guilt?

Is there a mistake that still bothers you to this day? If it is giving you sleepless nights, thinking about how it offended, hurt or harmed a family member, you could be struggling with excessive guilt. If you have done what you can to make amends, but you still carry the burden of grief around, you are likely dealing with unresolved guilt. Being stuck in unresolved guilt within the family is not healthy. It can lead to excessive self-blame and distress.

Such emotions can be overpowering. Know, however, that living with guilt is not your only recourse. You can learn from your guilt and move past it. Counseling can help with this by providing a space for you to process your feelings and challenge negative beliefs associated with what happened. 

Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC contracts with skilled licensed therapists and counselors who can help. Call today to get started. Online counseling and in person sessions are available!

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