Breaking Free from Guilt

It can be difficult to juggle all the daily responsibilities of family, career, and self-care. In the process, it is not unusual to find yourself feeling overstretched, frustrated, and unable to meet your goals or others’ expectations. You may feel like you need to make others happy, often sacrificing your own wants and needs. It can be hard to break this cycle and when you try you may find yourself experiencing a whole lot of guilt. If this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone.

Your imperfections are not what define you but it can feel that way if you are feeling trapped by guilt. It can be hard to focus on much else. When we stay in a place of guilt for too long we start to feel that there is something wrong with us. This can often lead to other difficult feelings such as hurt, anger, anxiety and even depression.

 

Guilt Trip: Real Guilt Versus False Guilt

Guilt is one of the most painful and tormenting human emotions. Guilt can often leave you feeling trapped, not knowing where to turn or how to get rid of it. One of its most disturbing features is that guilt often leaves you thinking that you have no power over it.

Guilt has two types, namely real (healthy) guilt and false (unhealthy) guilt.

Real or healthy guilt is felt after doing something you feel is wrong. For example, you arrived home after a stressful day of work and took it out on those close to you. Or when put on hold on the phone for too long and when you finally get to speak to a representative you vent all your frustration and anger in a way you aren’t proud of later. After a while, you feel bad, uncomfortable and remorseful for inadvertently hurting others.

Your feelings of guilt tell you that you have done something that needs to be righted. This guilt is healthy in the sense that it lets you know you’ve done something you aren’t proud of. When this happens you can take steps to make amends. This can allow you to do the “right” thing and can even improve relationships. There’s a lot of growth that can happen when we admit that we were wrong and take steps to make healthy changes.

Guilt becomes unhealthy when you feel guilty despite actually not doing something wrong. For example, you decided to start taking time out of your week to focus on yourself. You set aside time on a Saturday to go for a walk and relax, but a friend asks you to help them move. You feel guilty for prioritizing your needs over your friends. This guilt is unhealthy, though most experience this on a regular basis. It is the kind of guilt that creeps in when you prioritize yourself and feel bad about it.

 

How Is Guilt Affecting You?

Guilt can be paralyzing, hence why you don’t want to spend an excessive amount of time feeling this way. Fixating on your guilt can continue to unnecessarily punish you and lead to even bigger concerns.

Guilt is not necessarily bad. In fact, it can lead to change and/or a decision to make better choices moving forward. It is emotionally beneficial when it inspires you to improve your behavior. Sometimes, however, guilt can be unhelpful. Chronic guilt can leave you with a persistent feeling of culpability. Although you may not have done anything wrong, excessive feelings of guilt can cause you to feel you are always making mistakes and not doing anything right. This sense of guilt can cause distress and can cause you to live in fear.

Here are a few emotions you may experience if you are experiencing chronic guilt:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Paranoia
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors
  • Relationship concerns
  • Self-defeating behaviors
  • Stress

Left untreated, excessive guilt will likely only worsen. If you are feeling this way, know that you are not alone.

 

Help to Shake Off Guilt

Making mistakes is part of the human condition. If we have truly done something wrong we can make amends and repair relationships. Forgiveness is possible. However, there is little we can do if we are feeling guilty for no wrong doings. This can leave you feeling powerless, confused and perhaps even hopeless.

Don’t let guilt rule your life. Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC has independently contracted therapists who can help you address your guilt. Recognizing the need for help can be the first step toward guilt free living. Call now to schedule your first appointment.

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