Why am I Struggling with Adolescence?

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Adolescence is one of the most difficult times in the aging and maturing process. It is that time in your life when you will be undergoing the most impressive and memorable changes – in the way you look, feel and think. This will also be the stage when your life will take a 360-degree turn, impacting your relationships, perceptions, beliefs, and many other aspects of life. It is, therefore, not surprising that adolescence is often described as ‘unforgettable.’

Adolescence is likewise unforgettable because this could be the time when you will first experience many things – first crush or first love, self-awareness, the desire to be independent, and discovery of a sense of self. While these are the very reasons why your life can become more interesting and exciting, they may also bring you many difficulties. There can be a lot of complications, particularly during the process of self-discovery.

“Who Am I”?

Do not be scared when you start to wonder who you are and how you can be like the icons you look up to. Finding out things about yourself is natural as soon as the desire to be accepted by others is awakened. The drive is switched on as soon as you become interested to be ‘in,’ particularly when there is a clique that you would want to be a part of. This entails self-discovery. It is a process that is inevitable for all teenagers. You and all the teens like you need to go through this process to be able to move on and become a self-assured adult.

This won’t be easy for you. It may cause you pain. It may shake your faith in yourself and the things you value. It can even be traumatic, destabilizing your emotional health further and leaving you vulnerable to depression, overwhelm and anxiety. With all the changes in your brain, body and emotions, you may become confused and lost. This is why you need to know who you are. Finding the answers as to who you are can stabilize your sense of self.

Considering the significance of the process, it won’t be surprising if it will take so much focus, time and energy. Be ready for more puzzling questions and more hurting answers. Not every answer you will discover fits the standards or social norms you have in mind. Feeling alone and unguided, you may seek answers from people and activities that can put you at great risk. Having a professional counselor to guide you can spell a huge difference, if you wish to emerge confident after discovering who you are.

Lesson 1 – Meet “Sense of Self”

Every individual has an innate idea of ‘sense of self.’ It is what others refer to as ‘self-identity.’ It is commonly described as your understanding and knowledge about yourself, Psychologists view this as a depiction of the individual’s affective, conative and cognitive distinctiveness and experiences. Young as you are, nonetheless, your knowledge is limited. You would benefit if you are guided by a counselor.

There are a number of socio-psychological concepts that may shape your sense of self. One of which is ‘the looking-glass self.’ According to Charles Horton Cooley, who conceptualized ‘the looking-glass concept, “a person’s self grows out of society’s interpersonal interactions and the perceptions of others.” This means that your self-identity forms as a reflection of how others perceive or see you. Because you do not know any better, your perception of yourself may likely reflect what others see in you.

You cannot ‘skip’ this step of self-discovery. It is a fundamental functioning that all teenagers must experience in order to develop the basic skills of socializing, self-confidence and independence. Only then can you ‘wean’ or free yourself from your parents to become a self-supporting adult. During the process, approval and acceptance of your peers are as important. Peer influence can also impact the way by which self-identity is formed and reinforced.

Lesson 2 – Individuation: Deriving Positive Value

‘Individuation’ or ‘identity formation” is the process involved in forming a teen’s unique or distinct personality. The credit for this concept belongs to Erik Erikson. He calls this the ‘Theory of Developmental Stages.’ He says that this is a continuing process and that “identity formation is the key developmental task of adolescence…. It is defined as a “time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself.” Individuation starts from birth and it goes on and on until you become an adult, but its highlight happens during adolescence.

Individuation must occur for your continued personal growth. Without it, the possible consequence could be stagnation or lack of progress. It does not proceed in one, swift occurrence. It usually involves a “progressive developmental shifts” or a chain of changes in characters and preferences. There are forces that influence the process. The most important ones include peer pressure, family impact and the effects of technology. The formation of self-identity can also be influenced by other factors – environmental, social, vocational, educational and developmental.

All proceeds, but not without a hitch. You will ‘unearth’ issues that can be too difficult to resolve on your own. Tread very slowly because this can result to “identity crisis.” You must not allow yourself to stagnate because “the successful resolution of this crisis depends on your (one’s) progress through previous developmental stages, centering on fundamental issues of trust, autonomy, and initiative,” says Erikson.

Lesson 3: The Risks of Identity Crisis

Do not underestimate identity crisis, yet do not also underestimate your ability resolve difficult issues in your adolescent life. Erikson surmises that there is about a 50 percent chance that a teen would be able to resolve these issues before reaching 21. Unable to define their sense of self, they run the risk of stagnation and the possibility of identity crisis.

Erikson’s Theory of Development was expanded by James Marcia. Failure to commit to an identity, the crisis can bring about bewilderment. This underscores the significance of defining one’s self-identity in creating a strong and rewarding life. Sadly, the process could be exceptionally tricky for some, notably when there are impediments, such as depression, anxiety, self-harm, body image issues, low self-esteem, etc.

If you think you are experiencing self-identity issues, do not feel hopeless or helpless. This is a common challenge for teenagers; remember the equal chance of succeeding and failing? The stat means that one in every two adolescents struggle to succeed. Unable to define your sense of self, you may carry the challenge beyond your teen years. This underlines the value of identity formation at this developmental stage.

Lesson 4 – How a Teen Brain Works

Adolescents are vulnerable to all the complications of identity formation. You may wonder why this happens now, and not when you were a child or later as a young adult. Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, a cognitive neuroscientist connected with the University College London, theorizes that “It is in their brain.” She supports this explanation with the results of several brain-imaging research. The images show the changing teen brain. Specifically, the part of the brain involved is the dorsal medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC).

The MPFC is the last brain area to develop in humans. This is put to heavy use during adolescence, which tapers later. The unmatched activity in the MPFC during adolescence is an evidence of escalating self-reflection. As they get older and with greater knowledge about who they are, self-reflection is mastered. This sets the stage for increased efficiency and decreased self-reflection.

Lesson 5 – Forming Your Identity with Online Counseling

Discovering your identity or answering the question ‘Who am I?’ can be both fun and exciting. It can also be a tough quest that you may not readily accomplish, despite doing it for seven or so years. Don’t be miserable because there can be a number of factors that may complicate your quest. The truth is many teenagers struggle before ‘the ugly duckling’ can turn into a ‘beautiful swan.’

Nobody says that life is easy. Having ‘growing pains’ is natural. Nobody is exempted from it. You can be bullied in the school yard or community park. You can be shaken by low self-esteem while discovering your sense of self because you think you are overweight, undesirable, etc. You may feel unloved because your parents are hardly there to guide you. While the difficulties are real, these are not good enough reasons to stop and to stagnate. Unfortunately, nobody can do it in your stead.

Pick up yourself and ‘climb the hill’ once more. This time, do it through online counseling with an understanding counselor/therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC.

Rising above all your troubling concerns, know that you are not alone. Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC is here to help.

If you are going through a difficult time, tell your parents about CCS – Fuquay-Varina, NC. With online counseling, discovering your sense of self can be a thrilling adventure that can bring about great milestones.

Let us go on board. Let us journey together.

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