Help your Marriage with Counseling

Love is a good reason for two people to tie the knots in a wedding. To have a happy marriage, however, there are other elements that must be present in your union, such as respect and trust. And to make it last, there must also be commitment, effective communication, and the ability to resolve your conflicts. These are the reasons why most people say that “you need to work on your marriage to make it work.”

The knowledge of what makes a marriage happy and enduring are, of course, theoretical. In real life, marital relationships are unique and so are the couples’ individual issues. So, it is difficult to say what truly works or what can shake a marriage. While love isn’t everything in a marriage, it is an important element that can motivate spouses to work and try harder to improve their relationship. If you are asking yourself how else can you help your marriage endure through the years, consider counseling.

Trials Through the Years

Don’t “opposites attract”? It is natural for people to be different from each other. Complementary differences can, in fact, be endearing as they spice up your marriage, however they can also sow seeds of conflict in your relationship. Opposite views, beliefs and cultures can clash, bringing about frequent disagreements. Frequent conflicts can be stressful and they can grate on your nerves. In time and without resolving your issues, they may build up, creating undue tension, stress, frustration, sadness, and other issues.

Marriage can be very complicated. It has intense emotional aspects to it. Conflicts and issues arise from the simplest things as you and your spouse bring into your marriage your individual values, ideas, views, and personal traits. These may not be the ordinary bumps you usually experience on a day-to-day basis. They can be big obstacles that can make you stumble and hurt deeply. Aside from your love for each other, your children may also work as your motivations to work on your marriage harder. Marriage also has binding legal aspects. All these can complicate your issues further.

Without resolving your issues, they can become major forces that may contribute to your marital crisis. A marital crisis can quash your affections for each other and tear your marriage apart. It can make you feel miserable, so that living with your wife/husband becomes “a living hell.” You may struggle so hard it hurts. There will be countless arguments about everything. Life becomes like a “tug of war,” and your children are the helpless victims caught in the crossfires.

Sailing Through the Conflicts with Counseling

It is widely held among experienced marriage counselors that it takes about six years before couples seek out ways to resolve their issues. Over five decades ago and earlier, it may have even taken longer than this. Then, it was a common notion that separated/divorced couples and broken families are a taboo. Therefore, married people generally wanted to project the image of a perfect, happy couple/family, keeping their miseries to themselves, even if they suffer and die slowly inside with every passing day.

These days, much has changed, though it is still usual for couples not wanting to “hang their dirty linens” for the public to see or to seek out counseling as a last resort. This is unfortunate because marriage counseling can proactively prevent the mounting of small issues to become a marital crisis, or from easing your issues if not completely resolve them. Today, couples are encouraged to seek counseling as early as possible. Some seek it out even before marriage to ensure that their marriage will work and not just end in divorce.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Some couples seek marriage counseling to strengthen their bonds and gain a better understanding of each other. Marriage counseling can also help couples who plan to get married.” Meanwhile, counseling before marriage can help couples attain a more profound understanding of each other and resolve potential source of conflicts. Counseling may also help address certain issues, including:
“communication problems, sexual difficulties, conflicts about child rearing or blended families, substance abuse, financial problems, anger, and infidelity”.

The Basics of Marriage Counseling

What is marriage counseling? It is the same thing as couple’s therapy. It is a counseling service that is rendered by qualified therapists generally referred to as “marriage counselors” or “family therapists.” They usually have Masters or Doctorate degrees. In America, many of them are credentialed by and/or affiliated to professional groups, such as the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).

It typically involves both spouses, but it isn’t unusual for a spouse to work with a counselor alone. While resolution of conflicts is deemed “easier” when both parties are eager and cooperative, it isn’t impossible to improve the health of a relationship, even when only one is actively seeking help. Marriage counseling is often short term. It may take a longer time or a different “treatment plan,” nonetheless, to resolve the issues, when one spouse is uncooperative or the issues have already taken deep roots.

Marriage counseling can help a marriage endure the challenges through the years. It can offer tools that can help identify, address and manage your concerns. It can help you make thoughtful decisions that are important in transforming and strengthening your relationship. It can provide neutral venue and views, so you can see the issues in a different light and without the usual pressures

Let the Healing Begin with Counseling

No marriage is free from having conflicts. Individual differences and nuances can result in conflicts. Differing opinions, perceptions and faiths may bring about misunderstanding. There can also be issues that can breed major conflicts, such as unfaithfulness, parenting issues, and financial concerns. If the marriage is weighed down by an emotional condition/issue – depression, anxiety, complicated grief, excessive guilt, etc. – the marriage is likewise vulnerable to marital crisis.

Despite conflicts, many couples can stay happy in their respective marriages and many marriages can endure the challenges of time. While not every marriage can be saved by counseling, it can help improve certain areas in a relationship, one issue at a time. It may take a while, but marriage counseling can help rebuild communication, so you can be impartial, constructive and selfless in your actions and decisions. Given time and with effort, marriage counseling can effectively empower you and your spouse, particularly when both of you decide to actively seek it.

Thus, any couple who wish to have many years of enduring love can seek solace from marriage counseling, whether you are still planning to tie the knots, already married, or remarrying. There is no need to wait too long (six years and counting) before seeking help. The earlier you seek counseling the better it will be in your marriage and the healthier it will be for your relationship. Find your perfect match now – call Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC (N. Main St.). An independent marriage counselor or therapist contracted with CCS – Fuquay-Varina, NC (N. Main St.) can help you work on your trouble spots with the help of their proven tools.

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