Freeing Yourself
from Unhealthy Guilt

As a parent, it’s likely that you have a sincere interest in raising your children in the best way possible. This can be a daunting task. Parents get tired and overwhelmed too; they too have their own challenges. Unfortunately, unrealistic expectations don’t always leave space for parents to be human. This type of thinking can lead to excessive feelings of guilt and even the use of guilt as a motivator when parenting.  

If you were raised by parents who experienced excessive guilt, or used guilt to motivate you to do things “right” it may be difficult to see how it impacted you. Afterall, when we grow up seeing guilt expressed a certain way it can feel like second nature. No matter how you slice it, excessive guilt is unhealthy. Whether you are experiencing this yourself or see your child experiencing excessive guilt, it can be distressing. This cycle doesn’t have to continue, counseling can help. 

Guilt and Parenting

If you are a human it’s likely you are familiar with “guilt trips”. We can receive a guilt trip from anyone, though most of us receive them from our parents. It’s likely you have been on the receiving end a time or two. It is important to be mindful of whether we then perpetuate this type of behavior with our own children. 

Examples of using guilt as a motivator can be “piling on” when your child makes a mistake, blaming them for your reactions or feeling “you make me angry”, excessive punishments etc. Guilt can also result when parents force their dreams on to their children, leaving them feeling like they have to do certain things to make their parents happy otherwise they are “a failure”. 

These are only a few examples of how guilt can be used as a motivator. Some are more obvious than others. If you feel you may have been inadvertently using guilt to change your child’s behavior it may be time to learn healthier approaches. 

The Effects of Guilt as a Motivator

According to a study by Aunola et al. (2013),”The use of guilt-inducing parenting in daily parent-child interaction causes children distress…” Thus, if a child gets a daily dose of guilt-inducing parenting, it can impact their state of emotional health, self-esteem and thinking, even beyond childhood.

Being on the receiving end of this can cause difficulties that extend beyond childhood. Clinical psychologist and author Patricia Farrell, PhD, says,“Timid, insecure individuals may be victims of excessive guilt and constant ‘second guessing’ of themselves and their actions.” It is a fact that the subsequent years beyond childhood cannot mask those guilt-ridden experiences you had when you were young.

Excessive guilt can impact your decision making and the way you view yourself. It can also lead to depression and anxiety. Not all guilt is unhealthy, though when it is excessive it can leave a lasting impact. 

How to Free Yourself from Excessive Guilt

When guilt is a constant companion there are bound to be consequences. It is possible to overcome guilt, recovery from guilt and shame is possible. You can let go of guilt and achieve your goals. You aren’t alone. 

Carolina Counseling Services – Fuquay-Varina, NC contracts with therapists who know how to treat guilt. You do not have to be held captive, you do not need to be left feeling guilty for no reason. Call today to schedule your first appointment.

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