Combatting Overwhelm with Couples Counseling

In your life with your partner, you will experience problems ranging from daily difficulties to major challenges. Though job- or family-related issues are normal, there is no question that they can overwhelm you both, even affecting your mental health as well as your relationship. It can be important for you both to face these issues together and find ways to overcome them.

The support of a partner is very powerful and can help you to stay strong in the face of an emotional crisis. If you and your spouse aren’t getting support from each other, it can ruin your relationship. Challenges are inevitable, but there are ways to recognize and manage them so that your health and relationships don’t have to suffer. Finding a way to talk is important. If you have difficulty talking without hurting each other, consider counseling.

What Is Emotional Overwhelm?

Emotional overwhelm or flooding is something that you or your partner may feel when you are faced with too many challenges or changes all at the same time. Though negative changes and situations are more likely to trigger overwhelm, it isn’t unusual for positive life events to trigger it as well. If there is one person whom you expect to be there for you at this time, it would be your partner.

Unfortunately, emotional overwhelm can hijack your brain, making it difficult to see solutions. According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman , “In this state, you lose some of your capacity for rational thought”. We can easily go into fight or flight and our ability to think clearly goes out the window.

Does This Sound Familiar?

Emotional overwhelm can make you feel irritable, anxious, helpless, and hopeless. These feelings can make you behave in such a way that others find you difficult to relate to or interact with. If these symptoms are severe, it may even hinder your ability to function as you’d like. If you or your partner is overwhelmed and it’s impacting your relationship, it may be time to ask for help.

What are the symptoms of emotional overwhelm? Aside from irritability, crying, and lashing out without justifiable reason, other signs of overwhelm can include symptoms of depression or anxiety. These symptoms may be extreme sadness, constant anger, and excessive worry over many different things. In serious cases, overwhelm can persist for months and affect you or your partner’s functioning.

Overwhelm and Your Relationship

Overwhelm can happen to you. It can happen to your spouse or partner. It can also happen to your relationship. When it does happen, you may have difficulty organizing your thoughts, feelings, and responses, and tend to fall back on more visceral reactions such as fight, flight or freeze. In other words, you may just react without thinking.

If you experience these symptoms and don’t understand what’s going on, meeting your needs (or those of others) can be extremely challenging. If overwhelm isn’t understood or seen as “overreacting”, it can breed misunderstanding and conflict. With this line of thinking it’s unlikely anyone will be supportive.

The Consequences of Overwhelm

Nobody is immune from getting overwhelmed. If one partner feels swamped, the other can be overwhelmed too. When this happens, both of you can become oversensitive and more likely to fight. Everything can be easily misconstrued as an insult, a grievance, or an opposition—cue conflict.

Overwhelm can take your relationship to a dangerous point if you fail to recognize the signs. To avoid such a catastrophic shift in your relationship, don’t just rely on personal effort to fix matters between you. At a time like this, you can begin to find balance in your life with an effective couples counselor.

Facing Overwhelm Together

When you are overwhelmed, you can get caught in a cycle of scorn and criticism, distressing thoughts and confusing feelings, defensiveness, and even the desire to bottle everything up. It can impact your self-control, empathy, and emotional self-awareness. To survive overwhelm and avoid burnout and eventual meltdown, “couples need to be able to establish strong emotional connection with each other and listen to each other’s heart.” Rebuilding and reinforcing your emotional connection is possible with the help of a licensed therapist.

Carolina Counseling Services in Durham, NC contracts with skilled licensed therapists. Don’t wait for emotional overwhelm to sabotage your relationship. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment. Online counseling sessions are also available making getting the care you need and deserve easier than ever before!

Jaime Johnson Fitzpatrick LCMHCS, LCAS is one of the Owners and Vice Presidents of Carolina Counseling Services. She is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist in the State of North Carolina as well as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in State of New York. Jaime is also certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and utilizes various other approaches in her practice.